10 Days With My Devil: Kakeru Kamui

Fucking ridiculous.

Available for iPhone and probably iPad I don't own the latter don't look at me!!

So, let's see if I can even remember this crap. I played it like, a month and a half before. I think first I'll get the pictures up, and try to go from there--this is one of those dating sims that has the pictures in two separate moments so they're broken in two and it annoys me but I'm also too lazy to photoshop this crap together, so deal.

There have been a few times where I have named my main character something else, but this look liked it was going to take place in England or something, so I gave her the name Eliza. This, as usual, failed completely when it turned out she was a young girl from Tokyo. But whatever.

So you're a woman who's going about her day and it's oddly fantabulous. You keep running in to these SUPER SEXAY (supposedly) guys who do SUPER NICE THINGS. Oh man, ow about those FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR shoes you wanted! Here you go ma'am! Oh, suddenly you're going on a date with your SEXY ASS COWORKER to the FANCIEST RESTAURANT. How romantic I guess!

And then as you're walking home from your date, a dog bounces up on you, and five seconds later your apartment explodes. And then all those hot guys show up and are like FUCK SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD (only they all say toast because dead is too heavy a word for your sensitive lady bits, I guess). Also, your PC is fucking stupid as fucking shit:

yeah honey, your toaster caught on fire, you fucking dumbass

So the demons have to explain to your dumbass what they fucking mean when they say toast, and your character starts sobbing because they're talking about destroying her to get her soul proper or whatever.  So she begs for an explanation about why they need her soul, and gets the dumbest fucking explanation I've ever seen:

yeah super eco-friendly. i mean there are souls all over the fucking place. fuck me.

  So at this point, you desperately say: "Please. Just give me ten days. I'll do anything -- I just need to live for ten days and then you can have my soul."

And for some reason, this catches the demons off guard like no mortal has ever done this before. They're like WHAT THIS IS WEIRD NO HUMAN HAS EVER SAID THAT BEFORE

(pardon me while I slowly stare at pretty much every fucking I sold my soul to the devil story ever).

I can't remember if it's at this point Eliza explains her reason -- I don't think it is -- but they find her begging to live ten more days curious so they agree to take her on but someone will have to watch over her to make sure the angels don't notice they're slacking on their job, so bam, cue the start of the proper game as you have to pick your devil.

do you fucking see how scarily disproportionate they are? This is terrifying. And one is a floating head.

Anyway, we all know who I'm going to pick.

Cool and bossy? Wants me not to go against orders. Yes sir.

 You got it. The bossy fuck, Kakeru. And it's at this point that, because I played this a month and a half ago, I can't remember the intricacies of the plot. Not that it really matters, because all dating sims have the same basic plot, but they're mostly so fucking ridiculous, especially these Voltage games (they make all these iphone ones I have), that they're totally ridiculous. Let's see if I can remember even the basics.

So, one of the plots focuses on the fact that demons collect souls and pass them to angels for recycling. Since you're supposed to be "toast," they haven't collected your soul yet, so some angels who roam the earth for unclaimed souls will be able to sense you, so the demons mostly have to keep you hidden. 

This mostly consists of Kakeru having to grab you now and again and hold you when there are angels nearby, because "Demon Stench" keeps angels away from you. To cover this up, he also tells everyone in real life that he's your boyfriend.  And so you have to pretend you're his girlfriend by making his lunch or whatever.  Have a few pictures:

How big is Kakeru's fucking hand

I don't know why this was so hysterical to me, but Eliza talked about what she was making for the demons for dinner (nevermind that one is a fancy chef and cooks amazing food and then gets home and two chapters later apparently "can't cook"???) and about all the things she was buying while we stare at what appears to be washer fluid and drano.

Apparently if you sign up for push notifications, Kakeru will send you texts. Like this one. At this point, Eliza and Kakeru had been dating for two days. I'd dump him for being too creepy.

Second plot involves Kakeru (of course). Would it shock you to find out that he is actually the DEMON PRINCE??? OF COURSE. He is next in line to rule Hell! Though they don't call it Hell (see earlier comment on "sensitive lady bits") but the Demon Realm or whatever.  But the angels live in Heaven and the demons live elsewhere so for all intents and purposes it's hell. Don't fucking argue with me. 

So basically, if people find out he's leaving you alive, then shit will GET REAL and he'll be FUCKED and no one will be able to take over. Nevermind that he has a little brother (who admittedly falls in love with you too and cries about Kakeru getting you -- oh, did I mention he's the cook guy???) who could take over, apparently  the demon king only let Kakeru train to be king and left the brother out in the cold or something, I don't fucking know.

So on top of having to hide you from angels, there's whole fiasco about him trying to hide himself from angels.

Also, the angel is this crazy guy with a for some reason fucking amazing Scottish accent who gets excite

d when he hears the bells of ice cream truck. Basically, should I play this game again, I'll be romancing HIM.

So that's that plot. Have more pictures:

I dunno, something something picnic which means "straddle me sexily you weird looking [but slightly less deformed in this picture] man"

LOOK AT THIS FUCK I LOVE HIM

Just look at those people on the left. Aren't they weird? That's the only reason I screenshotted this.

So, the third and final plot is the big reason why Eliza chose to beg to stay around for ten more days. And that reason is...her sickly older sister is having her baby in ten days, on the dot. I guess they're going to induce labor or something, I can't remember.

Only thing I really remember is that the sister's husband is the most normal looking guy in the game, makes dumbass puns, and so I love him:

Awww Yuusuke!

 Basically, that whole plot makes all the demon boys love you because OMG SO GOOD HEARTED SO LOVING SO UNSELFISH and they fall in love with your good spirit and your sister worries about you not having a boyfriend because if you're a woman who doesn't want kids and a relationship then your life is just fucked up.

Your sister gets sick a few times and you end up panicking in the hospital and Kakeru is the perf boyfriend your sister tells you to hold on to him blah blah blah blah BLAH! Meanwhile, there's way too much monologuing about how you're toast in ten days. FUCK THAT WORD.

At one point you get so stressed that you pass out and when you wake up Kakeru's there and he randomly dons a doctor's jacket and glasses and seduces you or something I don't fucking know.

Anyway at the end people catch you and Kakeru i put on trial and he and his brother abdicate the throne and call his dad a turd bucket, basically, and daddy learns the error of his ways or something, I can't fucking remember.

Ugh, smoking.

SCORES

?????? What the fuck.

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: : 7. I think at the end you guys lie in bed naked to each other and have sex 'cause he' a demon, but I also half think it's actually you lying next to him who's topless and you kiss and he wants to have sex but you're like OH BUT KAKERU WE HAVE TO SAVE OURSELVES FOR ONE ANOTHER and he's like 'k baby' or something. Whatever. Fuck.

--

Graphics: 6: They were okay until I put the pictures together and saw how distorted Kakeru was most of the time.

Gameplay: 8: It's a dating sim  visual novel what the fuck do you expect? You get 2/3 choices and  that's that.

Story: 8: Honestly, relatively coherent as far as weird Voltage games go. Still weird as hell though. 

Fun: 7.  Solely because of the weird as hell text messages I received and showed off to my friends. They were all ridiculous and weird as hell.

Overall: 29 / 40 --  C-.

I have no idea if we're screwing or what in this pic.