don't take it personally babe, it just ain't your story

Don't Take it Personally Babe

Meet your students!

For free, for Mac, Linux, or PC.

And honestly? Not a dating Sim. Definitely not one at all. I downloaded it thinking it was but it wasn't. As usual, spoilers. Blah blah blah.

You play Mr. Rook, a new teacher at a highschool who is taking over English Literature after another teacher falls ill. Once you're introduced to your position, you're also introduced to a program that allows you to read private messages and "AmieConnect" posts on your students walls -- doing what you'd think of as invading their privacy in order to stop bullying etc.

The first Amieconnect post you'll ever see.

And the thing is--it game generally does a good job of making you feel like you're invading the privacy of all these kids. You worry and fret about it. You worry about what you're going to say (because if you say something at points they'll know you're listening in, right?) You have to decide when to step in and when to say something because sometimes your kids get into bitter fights--and in one case, a kid commits suicide.

Well, she seems to -- it's all a big prank from your students who know well and good that you're spying on them, but all she really did was move away to a new school and no one thought to notify you of this.

Check out your fine ass head of purple hair.

Honestly, the story as really compelling. There's lots of stuff for Mr. Rook to do completely terribly wrong. He can decide not to wait around. He can get into an affair with one student (which I avoided by being firm and sidestepping every possibility of it happening thank god -- I'm not sure what happens if you go that route.) You get a chance to buy liquor for one of your kids.

Your kids come to you for advice, asking you things that you may not necessarily be prepared to chat about.

What to do about a boy who likes you.

In the end, I ended up getting a gay (well, a bisexual and gay) couple together, a lesbian couple back together, got the class jerk to stop being such, and realized that one girl did not in fact commit suicide. Which, y'know, I feel that's a pretty good playthrough, all things considered.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 7: There's talk of cock-sucking between students. There's a picture of a naked student (if you know Kendell's middle name). I'm not really sure how far the having-an-affair with a student can go but if it's treated as well as everything else does, you'll feel creepy for doing it. Over all, though, it's not so bad, but just a warning for those things.

--

Graphics: 8: Meh. Some of the graphics are kind of bad--I won't lie. Faces are a bit weird now and again and the one CG I got of Akira and Nolan was weirdly proportioned. But it wasn't so bad I was taken out of the story.

Gameplay: 10: Normal "select what your character does" VN with only two choices now and again, but these choices seemed to honestly affect how Rook's health was and changed things in the game. That, combined with just...like, the messaging system that you can read felt really personal and good.

Story: 10:  Quite well done, in my opinion.

Fun: 10: I had a lot of fun sorting this one out!

Overall: 38 / 40 --A.

My Forged Wedding: Yamato Line

My Forged Wedding

You know, I just realized that's Yamato as the first dude. What the hell.

Available for iPhone and probably iPad???

Yamato is actually the guy I wanted to play through at first, because he was kind of a huge fucking dick and I like huge fucking dicks because they always end up doing the Mr. Darcy thing, and Mr. Darcy is popular for a reason yo.

Plus, this is the first CG you get of him, all things considered.

Yamato's line has a fun story, honestly. Basically, he's a single male teacher at a private all-girl's school and to work there as a male teacher you need to be married. He'd been pretending to have a girlfriend who he was in the process of marrying but the vice principal was going to out him or something, thus you move in with him and pretend to be his wife.

Yeah, I know. REAL SITUATIONS THAT HAPPEN TO REAL PEOPLE cough cough

SHIT THE VICE PRINCIPAL IS COMING PRETEND TO MAKE
OUT WITH ME DAMNIT NOW STAT

So your character thinks he's doing this for perverted reasons (also known as: he's totally fucking his students), but nope, he's doing this to try and track down his dad who was a teacher at the school back when he was dating Yamato's mom before he rudely left her. Or something to that effect.

ANYWAY SO WHILE THAT STORY IS HAPPENING your character (remember I named her something totally American that didn't fit in with the other names at all, though to be honest I can't remember what I named her anymore which goes to show oyu how much personality my character has) keeps running into this very nice old man.

oh the vice principal came over TIME TO STAND NAKED IN THE BATHROOM
AND MAKE FAKE SEX NOISES no i'm not kidding

Anyone who has basically ever seen a television show or ever read a book can see where this is going from a mile off: TURNS OUT THE VERY NICE OLD MAN IS YAMATO'S DAD! GASP! So, you meant gentle old principal and he talks about how the love of his life left him and then Yamato confronts him and you're like "NOOO YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG" and Yamato is like "BITCH PLEASE I DON'T HAS DIZ SHIT WRONG" and so you make him "accidentally" show up at the same time as the principal to the place where the principal waits weekly for his mom to show up again and Yamato's like ZOMG OK MEBBE I WUZ WRONG and they embrace

And it's honestly very very sweet :|

Let's pretend to embrace to stop the vice principal again
OH THE SHENANIGANS

 Yes. I said it. It's honestly very sweet. Yamato's storyline honestly DID make me aw a few times. This also helps that there's a B-plot where one of Yamato's students tries to get you out of the relationship with him by making it seem like she's been sexual with him (she knows of a mole on his back and constantly threatens you), but Yamato handles that maturely and tells you not to be jealous and then like, makes out with you while shoving you up against a sink and pushing up your skirt for a while.

I mean, as far as hanky panky goes in these things, that shit is pretty intense!

Here's where you start fucking making out on the kitchen
counter.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 6: Honestly, of all of these? Yamato is probably like...the sexiest. (like, I'd say 7-10 would involve actually sex.) He mentions sex, mentions bringing people home, your character thinks about him in bed with her, you freakin' make out with him doing some minor groping (okay of like, your stomach) on the kitchen counter. As far as these little iphone games go, that's pretty damn intense! There's also talk about a student/teacher having a sexual relationship to the point a child is born, and you talk loudly about taking a sexy shower together with a guy nearby listening in.

--

Graphics: 9: Honestly, Yamato's line had some really good graphics that I really enjoyed. Several of Yamato's made me giddily flail about a bit, so...thumbs up.

Gameplay: 6: To be honest, it's a visual novel. When you get them, you get what you pay for -- a lot of text to read and the occasional choice. This is better than, say, A Prince's Proposal for while you only get two choices, they're quite different and have notable differences good/bad when you choose them. There's not much in the way of strategy, but again. You get what you pay for with a vn.

Story: 10: I really, really enjoyed this quest line. Like, a lot. Far more than I have most any other. It was a bit silly, but it was a good sort of silly that I was willing to buy in to.

Fun: 10: Honestly, while I didn't squeal at this route, there were a few moments where I got super excited (or at times pissed) at something that happened, so y'know what, it was pretty fun and pretty well written.

Overall: 35 / 40 - B+

Unf.

My Forged Wedding: Yuta Line

My Forged Wedding

I don't think I've ever seen this drawing anywhere
in the game.

Available for iPhone and probably iPad??? I mean, I just own an iphone so I'm mostly assuming here. Cost's $3.99 currently to play each line, though you can do the beginning for free.

So my first play through of My Forged Wedding, I did not realize it took place in Japan (since most romance sims either take place in like FICTIONAL NEVERWHERE or a pirate ship [on that note, PIRATES IN LOVE, COMING TO BE REVIEWED SOON!]) so I named my character Abigail Hawthorne.

So Miss Hawthorne is a woman who was born and raised in Kyushu and never left it. yep. I'm totally sure she was. That sounds like a woman from Japan. Especially Kyushu, which is stereotyped to be very stubborn and conservative.

Anyway, meet Yuta:

Lookat dat ickle baby face.

He's the shota of our group of boys to select, but when I presented my friends with a selection of the ones I'd be willing to date (not involving glassy-eyed Ren who is conceivably on drugs OR my uncle because GOD DAMNIT I DON'T WANT TO FUCK MY UNCLE) and someone immediatley latched on to the description of "easily jealous comedian."

So on that note, Yuta is a comedian. Also, in a lot of his pictures he looks like he's maybe 12. Fortunately, in many of them he doesn't.

Also he has really fucking stupid hair.

I have no idea what he's doing here. "Mm yeah baby.
I got my shirt all unbuttoned for you girl. How about we
talk about my hair while staring at the city scape."

The reason Abigail (or [insert player name here]) has to live with Yuta and pretend to be his wife is...Yuta's a member of a manzai, serving as the boke. That's, translated for all of you people who wasn't a teenage fan of shoujo manga, a comedy duo, with the boke being the funny/doofy guy (the tsuokkomi being the straight man). And one night he was drunk, and on the way home Abigail tripped and he caught her. The paparazzi caught it on tape and ZOMG THIS MEANS THEY HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER TO FILM A SHOW.

Because Japan's treatment of its television stars is kind of bizarre but adorable.

So you move in with Yuta because you and he are going to film a television show where he's the poor boyfriend dealing with a mean angry wife who yells at him and demands he do everything. And to film a show you thus have to live together so that you can act better. Or something.

Yuta appreciates me you guys.

Abigail needs to keep a job though because even though the Angry Wife show is super duper popular according to the director, you're not making any money from it. Does Japan have labor unions or labor laws? Because if so, I think it's about time one of my choices became "stomp to one and get my money I am very much owed" or something. Hell, even Yuta who is not only the star of the show BUT ALSO eventually ends up super famous and popular with his tsukkomi can't seem to make any money.

Also, I won't go into the sexism behind the whole ANGRY WIFE LOL THAT GUY IS SUCH A PUSSY FOR HAVING AN ANGRY WIFE I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU I WISH YOUR WIFE WAS JUST A STAY AT HOME GOODY GOODY.

That is a story for another day and for someone more eloquent than me.

Then again, this is a game where your super sexy uncle (ugh I'm going to have to do that line eventually aren't I. IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF HE DIDN'T LOOK DOOFY. Also, I think I'd like that line more if they just embraced it for what it was. I'm like that a lot  -- I like things when they embrace what they are, but the game keeps doing that "He's not REALLY my UNCLE!" thing and I'm like "JUST FUCKING SAY HE'S YOUR UNCLE." Sorry. Tangent.)

Anyway, in the end everything works out. Yuta goes on to become famous. And he eventually comes back to your uncle's bar where you're then working (despite your uncle being a CEO of a telecommunications company, he obviously must own a bar that you work at that also only caters to your uncles six best friends from elementary school OKAY LOOK DATING SIMS DON'T HAVE THE BEST PLOTS), gets down on one knee, and notes he'd like to make his forged wedding to you real.

The end blah blah blah.

If they don't have babies I'm murdering something.

My face has to be about the size of the palm of my hand.
Seriously. Look how small my fucking face is under my thumb.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 4: You do kiss a lot on the balcony (which I approved of) at the end of the game, and he grasps you and there's a moment where you snuggle near each other in bed, but otherwise the hottest and heaviest it gets is eating hot pot around a table.

--

Graphics: 8: Honestly, there wasn't a single graphic thing that made me twitch. Sure, it's no graphical wonder (which is what I keep a 10 for) but it was good--even pretty sometimes. Marked down just a bit because of the tiny face.

Gameplay: 6: To be honest, it's a visual novel. When you get them, you get what you pay for -- a lot of text to read and the occasional choice. This is better than, say, A Prince's Proposal for while you only get two choices, they're quite different and have notable differences good/bad when you choose them. There's not much in the way of strategy, but again. You get what you pay for with a vn.

Story: 8: (Eeeh, there were some big plot holes or things that confused me. Those might just be cultural differences. Honestly, though, I can see where girls would enjoy this route (unlike Edward's route in a Prince's Proposal. FUCKING EDWARD UGH). It just wasn't for me, but others out there would probably enjoy it a hell of a lot.

Fun: 9: Honestly, while I didn't squeal at this route, there were a few moments where I got super excited (or at times pissed) at something that happened, so y'know what, it was pretty fun and pretty well written.

Overall: 31 / 40 - C+

also, he proposes to you on a balcony. Did I mention that?

Re: Alistair ++: Derek Line

Re: Alistair ++

Title screen.Third time now.

A game for PC/Mac, and more importantly FREE!!!!

Also, check out my Shiro and Travis line reviews!

So this round we finally go after Alistair himself--Derek!

Uh. Sorry if that was spoilers? SPOILERS.
I totally noted spoilers in time.

 I know that I could actually get pictures of these CGs without the text, but that would require some sort of modicum with effort beyond me actually playing and enjoying the game and as of right now, since this is just a random blog I made after my friends commented on how I should make a blog and stop ranting to them about my dating sims, I don't know if I really have that much of an effort in me. Maybe down the line?

mmm baby yeah talk to me about wishin' wells

Derek looks like a fucking doofus. Like, I'm sorry--I know he's supposed to be the quirky popular basketball player, and everyone can dress and look how they want, but Derek looks like a doofus.  Am I just old? Is it a thing to wear like...long sleeved button up shirts with Pac Sun style shark tooth necklaces and weird hoody vests with a popped collar now? And have a pink-purple streak in your pony-tailed hair? Like? Is that's what is popular now?

Because if so I always knew the 90s would return in force.

I can verify that getting hit on the head with a basketball
can make you dizzy. IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!!

So Derek is the titular Alistair (That's sort of the whole plot of the game, so you might want to sort that out yourself. It's kind of weird in that if you pick him as the obvious Alistair in either other game line he becomes a malicious manipulative dick but if you go out of your way to romance him he's suddenly like AW BABY I AM SO SORRY MMM LEMME GIVE YOU SOME LOVIN' YEAH MOMMA but whatever). He's got parental problems (as does every other dude, but then again this is high school).

But other than that, Derek was probably my favorite route. Like, he has the most touchy-feely moments, and he's probably got the most adorable attitude. He's also the one you can tell from the beginning actually likes you. The others will sort of like...put their chins on your shoulders or whatever, but Derek is the one that will actually sort of stumble out I LIKE YOU OKAY (or well, he'll stumble out I--I--l--) and also holds you and shit, and has you eat ice cream he's licked etc.

Of course he never kisses you on the lips. So, whatevs.

So over all, I really enjoyed this. In all honesty, I'd probably rate him #1, then...I don't know. I mean Shiro had that weird/dumb "lol I love you cooking me food" ending when Merui had never indicated any propensity to cook (AND IN FACT IN OTHER GAME LINES GOES "LOL COOKING IS FOR LAMEOS") JOFIjeaiojgoa

I love dating Sims.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 4: Re: Alistair ++ never actually even comes close to mentioning sex as a probability. However, Derek will pick you up and smoochie smoochie and hug you, which is about as close as you're going to get in this one, I think.

--

Graphics: 8:  The graphics in this line are probably the best of the three. And by graphics I mean CGs.

Gameplay: 7: Normal "select what your character does and stat up" process. It's easy to sort out what the boys like (Derek is POPULAR and PLAYS BASKETBALL so he likes SOCIAL NETWORKING THE MOST hint hint ;) ;) ), etc, but it is honestly a simple little game I can appreciate. It's not trying to be more than it is.

Story: 9:  The story wasn't mindblowing by any means, but again--it wasn't trying to be more than it is. It was a cute story about a bet and a girl balancing her life. I appreciate this.

Fun: 10: I honestly had a lot of fun with this one. It was simple, straightforward.

Overall: 34 / 40 -- B.

Re: Alistair ++: Travis Line

Re: Alistair ++

Title screen. Shuttup, I'm allowed a boring caption now
and again.

A game for PC/Mac, and more importantly FREE!!!!

Also, check out my Shiro (and coming soon Derek) line reviews. 

So, here's Travis:

Cause every girl needs cornered now and again?

Round two. Since I sorted out who Alistair was last time (SPOILER ALERT????? It's Derek. Oh noes.) I decided I'd save doucheboy for last and went with Travis this round. He likes Uh, computer networking or whatever and intelligence, so I focused on those two things and bought vidja games for him and all that good stuff.

I was so confused at this point because I thought we were
playing a computer game. But no, fake DS.

The game IS pretty short. Like, second round I finished it in maybe thirty-forty minutes. Admittedly, I also sorted out where the skip button was. Everyone should be proud of me--normally I'm terrible at sorting those things out.

Anyway, Travis wasn't so bad. Well, at least not until the end--he's funny, honestly has some intelligent quips that made me smirk. I mean, none of his CGs were all inspiring, and you don't even get a friggin' kiss like you do in Shiro's line.

But I did mention that he's honestly not bad until the end. Why does he suddenly become bad in the end? Well, allow me to show you:

All he needs is a fedora. And a sword.

Travis becomes an MRA. He calls you my lady. Tells you not to trip. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S NOT COOL.

Yes, I'm probably stereotyping here. But you know what? It's a dating Sim. ALL YOUR MEN ARE STEREOTYPES.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 2: Re: Alistair ++ never actually even comes close to mentioning sex as a probability. Travis' line doesn't even have any remotely NSFW moments. Like, the closest you even get to kissing is at one point where Travis looks at your lips. 

--

Graphics: 6: I won't lie--Travis's face is really weird some times. Otherwise, they're not bad!

Gameplay: 7: Normal "select what your character does and stat up" process. It's easy to sort out what the boys like, etc, but it is honestly a simple little game I can appreciate. It's not trying to be more than it is.

Story: 9:  The story wasn't mindblowing by any means, but again--it wasn't trying to be more than it is. It was a cute story about a bet and a girl balancing her life. I appreciate this.

Fun: 10: I honestly had a lot of fun with this one. It was simple, straightforward.

Overall: 32 / 40 -- A B-.

Re: Alistair ++ : Shiro Line

Re: Alistair ++

look at dem boiz in da hizzouse

 This is a game for PC/Mac. Maybe something else? MOST IMPORTANTLY: IT'S FREE!!!! YAY FREE GAMES. As a poor graduate student, I appreciate anything free.

So in Re: Alistair ++ you play Merui (or Rui), who's a very emotional girl who'd frankly rather focus on playing Rivennell (I think? Whatever, it's like a mix between Everquest and Rivendell from Lord of the Rings) than do anything else.

Here we have Fiona, Rui, and the titular Alistair in game.

 The big plot is that Alistair killsteals from you during a boss fight and gets an item you really want so you challenge him to a bet that you can find out who he is IRL. You (being Rui) figure out it has to be one of three dudes: Shiro, Travis, and Derek. I chose Shiro for two important reasons:

He's a space case (isn't one of them).

 1) Because fucking goddamn it he doesn't have pupils just irises so he must be some sort of monstrous alien.

2) Our main focus seems to be on Athens so I figured I might get a line about being his Helen of Troy or something (I know, that has little to do with Athens but WORK WITH ME HERE VN WORK WITH ME)

Of course there's a CG where you accidentally fall on him. Duh.

Anyway. The story was pretty short (I started at about 2:30 AM and finished it at like...4?) but it was over all enjoyable. An easy read. Graphics were cute. Honestly, it was a mix of harmless and charming that appealed to me, even if everything else sort of stood out as obvious to me.

Ah-durr. Keeskees.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 4: Re: Alistair ++ never actually even comes close to mentioning sex as a probability but it does have the one CG of you falling on Shiro in a compromising position and you do get an actual kiss, so hey.

--

Graphics: 7: Nothing awe-inspiring, but nothing that made me want to stab my eyes out either. Rated a bit on the lower side I suppose mostly because there were points that Travis's face looked a bit weird.

Gameplay: 7: Normal "select what your character does and stat up" process. It's easy to sort out what the boys like (Shiro, for example, is big on homework and your project, so make sure to crank your intelligence stat up high!!!! He eats ramen noodles so maybe buy that Japanese skirt!) etc, but it is honestly a simple little game I can appreciate. It's not trying to be more than it is.

Story: 9:  The story wasn't mindblowing by any means, but again--it wasn't trying to be more than it is. It was a cute story about a bet and a girl balancing her life. I appreciate this.

Fun: 10: I honestly had a lot of fun with this one. It was simple, straightforward, and a very nice break from anything Edward related. Fucking Edward.

Overall: 33 / 40 -- A solid B.

A Prince's Proposal: Edward's Line

A Prince's Proposal

I'm pleased that Edward is near the back.

This is a game for ipad, iphone, and who knows what else.

So, I just finished A Prince's Proposal. I went for Prince Edward, Prince of...uh, Charles. Yeah. Charles. Because that's a good Kingdom name, amirite.

Anyway, I chose Edward, because aside from Keith he looked the most like an inhuman abomination:

Let's give him a cleft chin, flush lips, touchable hair...What do
you mean he looks like a horrendous monster?

Look at that. It's like they took "every feature of a male face women like" and threw it all together into one unheimlich, uncanny valley mess! If I saw that face walking up to me down an alley, I'd run screaming for the hills.

More importantly, though, I had three big issues with Edward's storyline.

First: The overuse of the word gentle and its variants. Edward gently walks. Edward has gentle eyes. Edward gently caresses your face. Edward breathes gently. EDWARD IS FUCKING GENTLE OKAY THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT EDWARD THAT ISN'T GENTLE. Also, he constantly calls you "my princess" and "my beautiful flower" and shit and GOD DAMNIT I WANT TO PUNCH HIS FUCKING UNCANNY VALLEY FACE AJKOIWEGJNW

Okay, so that was my biggest complaint. I'm sure someone would like that. Not I.

Second: his story line is fucking stupid. Like, so he takes oyu to a dance because you got mud splashed on you, whatever, whims of the royalty, and then he follows you home and you exchange books and then you meet in a garden and later on he's never seen a tomato grow (YOU HAVE A GARDEN THEY GROW LIKE EVERY OTHER PLANT YOU DUMBASS) also you're a noble but the committee isn't happy with this and the king has more power than the committee but NO THE COMMITTEE HAS MORE POWER THAN THE KING HAHAHAHA what

How to make it better: Edward and his butler Louis should really have eloped. That would have made this about 100x better.

Get a room. Also, don't just wildly select Edward's face
and turn it red with the hue button. That's weird.

Third: Why the fuck didn't I just go have an affair with Roberto?

No, I'm totally serious. Every time something went down, it wasn't Edward who was there for me -- it was fucking ROBERTO.

All the other princes being classist assholes? Who tells them to shut the fuck up? Edward? LOL NO. Roberto does. Walking in the darkness while sobbing? Who picks me up? Edward? LOL NO, ROBERTO DOES. When I'm having problems WHO CALLS EVERYONE AND SORTS MY LIFE OUT? EDWARD!? NO! ROBERT.

Roberto on the left. The inhuman monster on the right
is the Mr. Darcy of our group--Keith.

Roberto also had the benefit of being the only prince to look remotely human so, I give him props for that.

Over all, would I recommend a Prince's Proposal? Fuck no. However, I'm going to try the anime version next, dating Roberto.

Because if anyone deserves a BJ it's Roberto.

SCORES

Each of the below categories is on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being the worst, 10 being amazing). Thus the max total for a game is 40 points. "Rating" involves me giving a 0-10 rating depending on how NSFW the game is. 0 would mean it's so chaste there's nothing of the sort that would be even...remotely ...touchable. Or whatever. 10 would mean there's some hardcore raunchy sex. "Rating" is not calculated into the overall score.

NSFW Rating: 2: You know, I honestly can't remember Edward and my heroine even kissing. They kept getting close. But I give this a 2 primarily because there's one instance where our heroine is like "oh my goodness me!!! we have to share a bed!!!" and Edward is like "it's all right, my love, we will not do anything you do not want to do." and there's some gentle hair strokes in there. But they at least allude to sex as a thing that could happen, so. Also, there are some gentle embraces. Lame.

--

Graphics: 1: Do you see those inhuman abominations up there? It's like they were going for realism but fell just short enough to send us careening straight into the uncanny valley.

Gameplay: 4: To be honest, it's a visual novel. When you get them, you get what you pay for -- a lot of text to read and the occasional choice. I just give this so low because sometimes the answers were literally so similar I didn't see much of a difference between them, and because most visual novels at least give you three choices, and this only gave you two.

Story: 4: It was okay, but I've played better dating sims in the past week with better stories that were more well put together and less disjointed.

Fun: 0: The whole time I was literally just complaining and raging at my friends about how awful Edward was and how much I hated Edward and telling them exacatly what was happening in the story and apparently it was obvious I wasn't having any fun because they kept telling me to put it down BUT I SAW IT THROUGH DAMNIT I SAW IT TO THE BITTER "GOOD ENDING" END. I'd normally replay to get the Happy Ending, but fuck that shit.

Overall: 9 / 40

The only picture of Edward that looks human.